How to Deal with Bullying: Confront it/ Address It
How to Deal with Bullying: Confront it/ Address It – Thando Hyman
Whether you are in a school environment, in your workplace or even your own home, bullies can be found everywhere. In a time when an increasing number of children and teens fall victim to online bullying, trolling, cyber bullying or old fashioned physical interactions, it’s becoming much harder to ignore, with a simple, “walk away or ignore it” response. Anecdotally, as an educator, the more reports I’ve heard from children who’ve tried the “walk away or just ignore it” approach, the more there has been an unsuccessful or even futile outcome/ resolution. And once that happens/occurs, despair sets in. I’m sure at first, one believes that handling it on one’s own, seems to be the logical, sensible or even mature way to address it, but when things go south, it’s harder to cope, when you are the victim.
In this post, I’m going to discuss 5 different ways to address a bully.
According to the Education Act:
Bullying is aggressive behaviour that is typically repeated over time. It is meant to cause harm, fear or distress or create a negative environment at school for another person. Bullying occurs in a situation where there is a real or perceived power imbalance.
Types of bullying
Is it bullying if my child hasn’t been physically hurt?
Bullying can take many forms. It can be:
- physical – hitting, shoving, damaging or stealing property
- verbal – name calling, mocking, or making sexist, racist or homophobic comments
- social – excluding others from a group or spreading gossip or rumours about them
- written – writing notes or signs that are hurtful or insulting
- electronic (commonly known as cyber-bullying) – spreading rumours and hurtful comments through the use of e-mail, cell phones (e.g., text messaging) and on social media sites.
( Education Act, Ministry of Education)
- Tell Someone/Report It
The most powerful thing a bully has over a victim is their silence. In a pop culture where it’s frowned upon to tell, speak up or “snitch” as it were, this empowers the bully to continue acts of aggression, physical or otherwise. The proliferation of reputation damaging acts increases and by the time the victim finally decides to tell someone, if at all, they may be too overwhelmed, exhausted or immobilized to stand up for themselves. Tell a parent, school personnel, or a trusted friend. Tell someone. When you tell someone, they can also provide support.
- Seek An Advocate
Once a victim can be supported to come forward to tell their story, often an advocate is a good source of support. Advocates can be parents, school personnel, a trusted friend or even a stranger or bystander, depending upon the circumstance.
Children and teens often require adult advocates to help give voice to the issues that they have faced. That advocacy can go a long way in helping to identify an appropriate resolution.
- Bystanders Should Speak Up and Report It
Bullying impacts the bystander as much as the victim. Often times, it is the bystander that can quantify the type, rate and intensity of the bullying, for they have been a witness. When asked why they as bystanders say nothing, the common response is they don’t want to become the next victim. However, there is often no guarantee that the bully won’t set their sights on another victim because after all, they’ve seen the results of what their bullying has already done to someone. In a physical setting, under the right conditions, a bystander or a group of bystanders can help to shift the climate of fear by not snickering, giggling or giving it credence. The bystander too, can choose to walk away or say stop and refuse an audience of a bully. Often when there is no audience, and no air of fear against a victim, it can stop it in its tracks.
- Share Your Story With Others
Often we hear the tragic stories of triumphant bullies, but we rarely celebrate the small victories of those who overcame bullying and what they did to resolve it and survive. It stands to reason that one becomes stronger for having had to endure such an ordeal. Just imagine the level of empowerment a child or teen could have if they were given an opportunity to share their story and the steps they took to address it.
The Bullied Can Bully
Giving a child a voice to speak about their ordeal also lessons the adage that sometimes “the bullied, bully”. Once someone feels that they are not heard and are disempowered, this disillusionment to seek justice at all costs can also result in a person deciding to take out their angst and aggressions on others because in their mind, there was no advocate and/or “nothing was done” to prevent it.
- 5. Speak Up
Once a victim feels empowered to speak up and report it, they may also feel empowered to tell the bully to their face to just stop. And while this last step might presuppose a safe and positive environment, including a supportive network, sometimes just telling the bully that they will no longer stand for it, is message enough that the bully no longer has power over them. They will no longer be coerced or cajoled into complicity but will take the necessary steps to stamp it out.
Unfortunately for some, confronting or addressing a bully may not be as easy as these 5 steps as there are times when extenuating circumstances and layered complexities compound matters. The reason why we continue to have conversations such as these is because sadly it hasn’t been eradicated. As an educator, even I can’t report that there is 0{05c8c727a74269b3325d6603002cfbfc6ec972a6ec4e6b28144adc571451a6f3} of bullying in schoool environments. But if we continue to build awareness and give the tools for how to address this, it will certainly lessen the incidences of it and instead of proliferating a snitch culture, it will build a Speak Up and Speak Out culture.
Recommended Children’s Book: One: Kathryn Otoshi
